Attachment Theory

The 10 Central Tenets of Attachment Theory (pp. 25-32)

  1. Attachment is an innate motivating force.
    Seeking and maintaining contact with significant others is an innate, primary motivating principle in human beings across the lifespan. Dependency, which is pathologized in our self-made culture, is an innate part of being human rather than a childhood trait we outgrow.
  2. Secure dependence complements autonomy.
    According to attachment theory, there is no such thing as complete independence from others or overdependency (Bretherton & Munholland, 1999). There is only effective or ineffective dependency. Secure dependence fosters autonomy and self-confidence. The more securely connected we are, the more separate and different we can be. It is interdependency, rather than being self-sufficient and separate from others.
  3. Attachment offers an essential safe haven.
    Contact with attachment figures is an innate survival mechanism. The presence of an attachment figure, which usually means parents, children, spouses, and lovers, provides comfort and security, while the perceived inaccessibility of such figures creates distress. Proximity to a loved one tranquilizes the nervous system (Schore, 1994).
  4. Attachment offers a secure base.
    Secure attachment also provides a secure base from which individuals can explore their universe and most adaptively respond to their environment. The presence of such a base encourages exploration and a cognitive openness to new information (Mikulincer, 1997).
  5. Emotional accessibility and responsiveness build bonds.
    In general, emotion activates and organizes attachment behaviors. More specifically, the building blocks of secure bonds are emotional accessibility and responsiveness. An attachment figure can be physically present but emotionally absent. Separation distress results from the appraisal that no an attachment figure is inaccessible. It is emotional engagement that is crucial and the trust that this engagement will be there when needed. In attachment terms, any response (even anger) is better than none. If there is no engagement, no emotional responsiveness, the message from the attachment figure reads as "Your signals do not matter, and there is no connection between us." Emotion is central to attachment, and this theory provides a guide for understanding and normalizing many of the extreme emotions that accompany distressed relationships.
  6. Fear and uncertainty activate attachment needs.
    When the individual is threatened, either by traumatic events, the negative aspects of everyday life such as stress or illness, or by any assault on the security of the attachment bond itself, powerful affect arises and attachment needs for comfort and connection become particularly salient and compelling. Attachment behaviors, such as proximity seeking, are then activated. A sense of connection with a loved one is a primary inbuilt emotional regulation device. Attachment to key others is our "primary protection against feelings of helplessness and meaninglessness" (McFarlane & Van der Kolk, 1996).
  7. The process of separation distress is predictable.
    If attachment behaviors fail to evoke comforting responsiveness and contact from attachment figures, a prototypical process of angry protest, clinging, depression, and despair occurs, culminating eventually in detachment. Depression is a natural response to loss of connection.
  8. A finite number of insecure forms of engagement can be identified.
    The number of ways that human beings have to deal with the unresponsiveness of attachment figures is limited. There are only so many ways of coping with a negative response to the question "Can I depend on you when I need you?" Attachment responses seem to be organized along two dimensions, anxiety and avoidance (Fraley & Waller, 1998).
  9. Attachment involves working models of self and other.
    We define ourselves in the context of our most intimate relationships.
    ... attachment strategies reflect ways of processing and dealing with emotion.
  10. Isolation and loss are inherently traumatizing.
    Lastly, it is important to recognize that attachment is essentially a theory of trauma. Attachment theory describes and explains the trauma of deprivation, loss rejection, and abandonment by those we need the most and the enormous impact it has on us. Bowlby viewed these traumatic stressors, and the isolation that ensued, as having tremendous impact on personality formation and on a person's ability to deal with other stresses in life.

Attachment Theory and Therapy

What attachment theory does is answer fundamental questions about human relationships.

  • How do we become caught in futile strategies that rob us of the love we desire from our partner, our parents?
  • Why does distancing so often fail to cool down conflicts with attachment figures?
  • Why do certain events define the nature of relationships more than others?
  • How can we focus our repair attempts and foster the bonds with those we love?

 

References

Bretherton, I., & Munholland, K.A. (1999). Internal working models in attachment relationships. In J. Cassidy & P. Shaver (Eds.), Handbook of attachment: Theory, research and clinical applications (pp. 89-111). NY : Guilford Press.

Fraley, C.R., & Waller, N.G. (1998). Adult attachment patterns: A test of the typographical model. In J.A. Simpson & W.S. Rholes (Eds.), Attachment theory and close relationships (pp. 77-114). New York: Guilford Press.

Johnson, Susan M. (2004) The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy. NY: Brunner-Routledge.

McFarlane, A.C., & van der Kolk, B. (1996) Trauma and its challenge to society. In B.A. van der Kolk, A.C. McFarlane, & L. Weisaeith (Eds.), Traumatic stress (pp. 211-215). New York: Guilford Press.

Mikulincer, M. (1997) Adult attachment style and information processing: Individual differences in curiosity and cognitive closure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 1209-1224.

Schore, A. (1994). Affect regulation and the organization of self. Hillsdale, NJ: Jason Aronson.

 



Please take the Adult Attachment Style inventory online, print and bring to initial session (each person in couple needs to complete inventory as well):

Adult Attachment Style